Although I live three hours from my friends, we still make an effort to have a girls night once in a while. In February, I traveled down and was greeted with the news that one of their husband’s military contract was coming to an end and that he was already back in their home state of Wisconsin, and that she would follow some time in June.

In mid-February, summer still seems far off, still plenty of time for a few more hang outs. While we were saddened by the news, we still went out and had a really fun time. Only a month had passed and our group chat got a message that she took a job offer and would be moving in two weeks.

My heart sank reading her message. Our friend group had been a trio through a lot that had happened in my life over a short three years, and I don’t make lasting friends often. Within the military sphere, you know that nothing lasts forever, everyone has to go home or be sent somewhere else eventually. So I knew that this would happen within our friend group since both of them are military spouses, but I was not expecting it to be so soon.

Every time I drive down, I am gone for about 12 hours. But each time, it feels nothing like that. All of the chatting and catching up and whatever we get into, be it going out for drinks or food, feels like it only takes an evening. This last get-together we never left the house and it was still just as fun. We squeezed in a visit just two days before our friend would be leaving. Between talks of new jobs and trying for a baby girl and just going through the day-to-day, I realized that we are so different than how we all met. Even if our personalities stayed the same and our jokes still land in the same ticklish spots they did before, life has ways of pulling you in different directions you never saw coming, at times you never set an alarm for.

I managed to keep my tears in until the end, but I couldn’t hug her without tearing up. As I started my drive back home I let out more tears and reflected as I had my boyfriend on call for company. Most of my life has been “long-distance”. For ten years I was in a car for three hours every other Friday, and another three hours back on Sunday for visitations with my dad. Any real friend I had ever made growing up moved away, to Colorado, or to Texas and then Utah. Most school events happened on weekends that I was at my dad’s, so I missed a lot.

After high school I’ve always been at least two or three hours away from somebody in my life that I wanted to keep a connection with. As an introvert who has a very low maintenance friendship style, it is difficult to keep in contact with anyone who needs to hang out or text every day as is. It takes a special connection for someone to remain my friend, and of course it is just my luck that they always end up moving farther than I can easily drive. As you may know, my love for snail mail can keep me connected to anyone, but it is not the same as a physical interaction.

The presence of people in my life feels so seasonal at times. A few years ago I felt an anxious attachment to this, never wanting to accept that someone was leaving, and became insecure and mourned their absence in advance. Within the past year I feel as though my attachment style has swung backwards. Yes I am very sad that nothing lasts forever, but I feel comfortable that I have myself, and I have been trying to enjoy my own emotional company more because I am the only reliable constant.

It may be time to accept my solitary luck as a part of who I am, and not as something that happens to me. It is a gift to meet so many new people and experience as many adventures as I have.