Since I was about 9 years old, I’ve been journaling off and on, but it wasn’t till I recieved a green journal on the Christmas of 2015 that I started to journal regularly, and while I’ve had times of radio silence in the process of journaling, I’ve kept a journal on hand for the past four years.

From middle school drama to understanding grief, journaling has aided me in processing my surroundings, while giving me something to look back on.

Honestly, there are some entries of events I’ve written about that I don’t even remember happening, and that is what is important to me.

For a large portion of my journaling process, I wondered if anyone would ever read my entries after I’m gone, or what the purpose was if no one would read it and remember I existed. But as my journal got more personal and started to drift into the realm of, dare I say it, a diary, those worries slipped away, and were replaced by a complex understanding of the process of growing up, and recognizing the changing of my own mindset throughout the years.

So, in celebration of change, I’d like to go through my journals, from my first journal to my most recently finished. Shall we?

This first exerpt comes from my first journal, where my entries were always months apart, and where I wrote easy math equations in so if anyone were to look in it, they would know I was smart.

On this day, my dad was taking my brother and my to-be stepmom, mentioned as a friend haha, to a theme park. Within the lines of this journal I wrote a lot about Magic Springs, and I wrote about my new dog, Ruby, who is now white in the face.

My last entry was the day I recieved my green journal, in 2015, and that’s when my journaling timeline really takes off.

I began to sign off as “Skittles”, a nickname each person in my friend group at the time gave to ourselvs, but never really called each other by (with one exeption).

Many of my finest entries were when I was free from the stress of school, and I could write whenever I wanted.

I also added extra elements to my regular black and white pages. I would color, glue in what should be trash, and decorate my pages, which makes looking back on my journals all the more fun.

This journal went through major changes in my social identity in school, going from a large friend group to becoming closer to my even now best friend.

Moving forward, my journals were filled with the struggle of aging from 14 to 15, 16, and 17, realizing that I could never win in the tug-of-war battle I always tried to play with time.

While portions of my writing was dealing with the sadness tht accompanies being a teenager and the loss of my childhood dog,

… They were also filled with memories that will remain with me for the rest of my life.

… And drawings from the quiet moments in class.

But since I began documenting my life, I’ve left autographs everytime I look back on memories that aren’t quite the same now as when I wrote them in the moment.

Like journaling, I’ve always found ways to document and explore memories, through outlets such as video, letters, and this blog that is available for all to read. Every post comes from a different passion, exploring every niche along the way.

I hope that one day, when my memory fades from the years of experiencing life, I can read the yellow pages of my youth, and be thankful that I can at least read about myself when dreams are insufficient.

And add my autographs, which at points will be few and far apart, will become closer and closer together, until another name comes after mine.

-Katelyn